Random memories

I remember learning that my brother was who I could count on. (Except one day in the first grade, where I told my mom, my brother, and my babysitter I was going to a friends after school. After playing, I was walking home, and halfway home I was met by the babysitter who yelled at me and asked where I had been. I tried to remind her that I had said I was going to a friends house, but all I heard was that the police were looking for me, and no one knew where I was. Boy oh boy. Not even the brother would admit I had told anyone.) But that's another story, for another day. While you read these memories, keep in mind he was the only guy in a sea of girls. He lived in a petticoat world and seldom, complained. He yearned for more, I could tell.

Other than that, he could always be counted on. I have a very distant memory where we learned all we had was each other. Very slight memory of my grandfather, my mother and my father outside arguing. Of course they were outside, isn't that where all domestic disputes happen? I remember my dad hitting my granpa, my grandfather collapsing, and an ambulance being called. I am not sure if he had a heart attack or was just stunned. My dad split and my mom began the slow descent into helplessness.

From the time I was about 5 I remember my brother being named "man of the house". What a horrible thing to happen to a 6 year old. He took on the weight of the world and became they guy to go to. The grandparents had decided that my mom had made poor choices and would no longer bail her out from the consequences of her choices. We began the nomadic years. We moved every 6 to 8 months for one reason or another until I was 15 years old.

It was hard on my brother. He took his responsibility very seriously. He would get us up, make sure we had something to eat, make sure we were all dressed, and off to school we'd go. Remember we also had the little girls, my sisters 1 1/2 and 3 years younger than us. They would stay with Sophie, a young girl who had problems of her own, who stayed with us because she had no where else to go. She was 18 and had moved out of her parents home and come to live with us. It wasn't until I was about 10 that Sophie married a marine and went her separate way. We haven't seen her since. I don't even know her last name.

Well back to the brother. He had such a sense of responsibility toward all of us. He had a few friends but made it clear to them that we had to come first. Everywhere we lived. Can you imagine being 6 or 7 and suddenly have to make new friends for yourself and siblings, be the responsible one of all of them, and then keep up in school, explain to adults who we were and why we travelled in a pack, and always be told he was too young to handle such responsibilities. "Well, of course, I am he would say, but that's the way it is. I am in charge and you have to go through me to get any farther."

I think the hardest part was having to put his "station" on the shelf when the random guy my mom would date would come along. They'd pat him on the head and call him big guy making all those sideways chuckling comments. It angered him, as well as me, to be treated like a kid. They would come and go and you could visibly see him inflate and deflate and the sight of the new boyfriends. All this, and he never backed away from the responsibility to keep us safe.

Our mom finally married a guy when I was 12. They got married, he shipped out to Okinawa, and was gone for two years. Again my brother had to assume responsibility for the household. It was at this time we joined the church. It was hard for him. We were the only family that were like us. He struggled to fit in and most of the time he was not accepted and became the joke they all had fun with. It was sad to see him struggle. That's why when he talks about the high school years there is not much talk of church friends. They were mean, and his regular friends didn't make the judgements that came from church members.

All in all he found his way. He was the man of our house. He grew up, took his "job" seriously and made sure that we had our needs met. I admire him and will never ever be able to repay him for the contribution he made to all of us. The sacrifices he made seen and unseen were great. I will always be grateful he was my big brother.